When Basil & Spice asked me to become one of its contributors, I immediately accepted. I was thinking about writing my first column on fitness or nutrition until I remembered that Basil & Spice asked me to contribute to their site because I wrote a book, A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation. Parental alienation is an important issue -- even if you haven’t heard of it.

March 10, 2010



Don't beat yourself up if you haven’t heard of parental alienation. A few years ago I gave a presentation to mental health professionals at their annual meeting. I started my talk with a simple question, "How many of you have heard of parental alienation?" I built my entire presentation on the assumption that the professionals in the room had heard of alienation and I could skip the basics.

Here's a presentation tip for you -- don't assume 45 professionals have heard of your topic unless you enjoy making up a new presentation in front of the 42 who never heard of it while boring the three that had.

I never heard of parental alienation either; until I was struggling to understand how I went from Adored Dad to Despised Dad in the blink of an eye. That's one reason why I wrote A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation. My post post-divorce dream of co-parenting my children bore little resemblance to a post-divorce reality consumed with trying to maintain my previously loving, normal relationship with my 11-year old son.

The premise of parental alienation is simple. One parent damages, and sometimes destroys, a child's previously normal, healthy, loving relationship with the child's other parent. In a severe case the alienating parent and child work together to successfully eliminate the previously loved Mom or Dad from the child's life.

If you're like the mental health professionals who attended my presentation you're probably thinking, "Oh, I've seen that before. I just didn't know there was a name for it."  

Some professionals and parents have heard of parental alienation, they just don't believe it exists. They use terms like "junk science" to describe parental alienation. Other individuals debate whether parental alienation is a "syndrome" and should have its own diagnostic classification in the mental health profession's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Some people believe one parent is more likely to alienate a child than the other parent. Still other people want to incorporate parental alienation into larger shared parenting, domestic violence and family court reform initiatives. If you know the pain and heartbreak of being rejected by the child you love you don't care about any of these issues. You just want someone to explain what's happening and help you restore your relationship with your child.

In the weeks and months ahead we'll use this column to separate parental alienation fact from fiction. We'll also explain why one parent would alienate a child from the child's other parent, and what you can do if you are on the receiving end of the alienating behavior. Finally, we'll answer your questions. One of the toughest aspects of parental alienation is feeling like you are alone with no place to turn. That’s not the case.

Mike Jeffries is the author of A Family's Heartbreak: A Parent's Introduction to Parental Alienation. Formerly a journalist and currently a corporate communication professional, Jeffries articles on parental alienation, divorce, parenting and advocacy have appeared in Counseling Today, Woman’s Magazine, The Richmond County Bar Association Journal, Children’s Voice Magazine, CRC Children, and at Womansdivorce.com and Dadsdivorce.com.  He has also discussed parental alienation on radio programs in the United States, Canada, Australia and the United Kingdom; and on CNN, at ChildrenToday.com and in Best Life Magazine.  The A Family's Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation website is located at www.afamilysheartbreak.com. Jeffries and A Family's Heartbreak: A Parent's Introduction to Parental Alienation can also be found on Facebook.

http://www.basilandspice.com/love-and-relationships/parental-alienation-2010-you-are-not-alone.html

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As a victim of 16 false allegations made over 16 years in the never-ending "War of the Roses," please allow me to explain my position. First, no one should ever have to endure the pain and surfering of domestic violence. Laws have been created and are there because women and children have been abused for years without any protections.

• MARCH 10, 2010

Today, there are many laws that protect "true victims." But what happens as, in this case, when a spouse or other relation makes an allegation and then chooses to recant? Many hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars in resources and police man hours have been spent investigating these allegations. And what of the reputation of the accused; where is his recourse?

Many men spend many days and weeks and years incarcerated on allegations of domestic violence only to have their cases dismissed because the "victim" chooses not to cooperate with prosecutors. Does anyone out there remember the Tawana Brawley case? Millions of dollars were spent investigating her claims of sexual assault and abuse, and a commission concluded the event didn't happen? And the accuser gets to walk away scot-free and face no charges, criminal or civil for the lives and careers she destroyed?

(Brawley and her advisers, included the Rev. Al Sharpton, were on the losing end of defamation claims brought by those falsely accused of being among a group of men who abducted and raped Brawley over several days in Wappingers Falls in 1987. — Editor.)

Many men have lost jobs, homes, had their reputations ruined and irreparably damaged due to their spouses or close one's false allegations. There need to be laws in place that hold accusers of alleged abuse criminally and financially responsible when they recant, refuse to cooperate or are found to have fabricated the allegation for their own selfish gains — such as to wield leverage in a custody or divorce action or as a tool to remove an unwanted spouse or gain more money for child support.

While such laws may keep truly abused victims from reporting abuse, they are not the only victims when such allegations are proven to be false.

The writer, who lives in Carmel, is past president, Father's Rights Association of New York State.

http://www.lohud.com/article/20100310/OPINION/3100319/1076/OPINION01/Law%20needed%20to%20curb%20false%20abuse%20allegations

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A WOMAN charged with murdering her eight-year-old son inside a New York hotel last month has begged to be taken in handcuffs to his funeral, the New York Post reported overnight.

The woman reportedly said through her lawyer that not going "will just cause her immeasurable pain,"

The request of 49-year-old Gigi Jordan to bury the child she allegedly killed -- eight-year old Jude Michael Mirra, to whom police say she fed deadly prescription pills in a failed murder-suicide -- was denied, according to a transcript of a February 16 closed-door proceeding made public Monday.

Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Charles Solomon called the request "inappropriate" after hearing vehement protests by the lead prosecutor on the horrific case.

"It's like a child who kills both of his parents and then cries because he's an orphan," said assistant district attorney Kerry O'Connell.
Noted criminal defense lawyer Gerald Shargel had argued that the funeral would be a small, secure affair, and that she could be under constant escort by cops or correction officers.

Her not going would "worsen an already sad and difficult situation," he argued.

But the prosecutor slammed Ms Jordan for engaging in a tug-of-war with Emil Tzekov, the child's father, over where the boy should be buried - a battle that could have delayed his interment for a month had Mr Tzekov not taken the high road and withdrawn from the conflict.

"It shocks the conscience that she would make her request to be able to go and attend the funeral," O'Connell said.

Mr Jordan looked numb and forlorn at her latest court appearance overnight, at which both sides agreed to return to court Friday to discuss her being freed on on $US5 million ($5.47), so she can leave her locked ward at Elmhurst Hospital and go to a secure mental institution in Manhattan or Westchester. Prosecutors are opposing the application.

http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/woman-charged-with-killing-son-wants-to-go-to-his-funeral-report/story-e6frfku0-1225839005406

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A MAGISTRATE has granted a mother accused of murdering her four-year-old son and attempting to murder his nine-year-old brother access to the surviving child.

Police have previously alleged the woman, whose identity is suppressed, drugged herself and two sons at the family's eastern suburbs home. Her four-year-old son later died in hospital, while the nine-year-old recovered.

At the time of the incident, police said her husband found all three unconscious. Magistrate Maria Panagiotidis, who last month granted the woman home detention bail with a condition barring her from contacting her son, today relaxed that condition.

The woman will now be allowed contact with her son - in the presence of her treating psychiatrist and the boy's father or uncle. Magistrate Panagiotidis granted "therapeutic contact" as recommended by her psychiatrist.

The case will return to court in April.

http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/news/south-australia/killer-mum-allowed-to-see-child/story-e6frea83-1225838774900

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